POINT BREAK (2016)

Seven years after the death of his friend, extreme (dude) sports athlete Johnny Utah (Luke Bracey) joins the FBI as a trainee candidate. Utah feels responsible for the death of his friend (mainly because he was responsible for the death of his friend), and seeks atonement from guilt through the structure of federal law enforcement. Utah surmises that a number of worldwide heists are somehow linked, and that the gang carrying out the robberies are attempting to complete the Osaki 8; a series of extreme (dude) trials against nature with the goal of achieving nirvana (the mental state, not the band). Utah goes undercover and, through a combination of colossal stupidity and narrative reaching, earns the trust of this criminal gang of crusty wastrels. He also has some nookie with a hair-wrapping burnout called Samsara (Teresa Palmer), wooed by her potent, Byronesque chat-up lines such as, “Let’s just be here.”

It goes without saying that the original Point Break (1991) was a monumentally silly film, but it was of its time and still retains a certain nostalgic charm. But this remake is like a Babylon Zoo tribute band; utterly pointless and 20 years past its sell-by date. Erickson Core has made a modern action thriller that will only appeal to fans of Jackass circa 2000. In essence, it’s a series of “to-the-max” YouTube clips strung together with some philosophical hippy claptrap about achieving enlightenment through terminal idiocy. It is, however, often hilarious, with a number of Darwin Awards-winning character fatalities and dialogue that will leave you dragging your hand slowly down your face. As a lead actor, Bracey has a 404 “page not found” error where his head should be, and somehow manages to make Keanu Reeves look positively charismatic. And Ray Winstone really needs a new agent. Or an intervention.