ENTOURAGE

It is quite inconceivable that Entourage’s writer/director Doug Ellin is 47 years old. Because if it were possible to see inside the head of a hormonal teenager, this is what it would look like. Yachts, sports cars, hot tubs and women in (and out of) bikinis – all shot in slow-mo and set to a soundtrack of music made by content creators rather than musicians. Entourage is a 90 minute music video written by a 14 year old boy raised on a steady diet of 50 Cent videos and Nuts magazine, like a feature length version of “Blurred Lines” with a tacked-on subplot about movie finance.

The whole thing is unyieldingly repulsive and utterly charmless. Entourage is the male Sex and the City – a grossly reductive PSA to consumerism conforming to the worst “bros before hoes” stereotype, yet bewilderingly popular within its target demographic. If you are male, heterosexual and under 30, this is aimed at you. The appropriate response to that is a mix of depression and anger. The world is a poorer place with Entourage in it. If that’s not enough to put you off, then know this: Piers Morgan has a cameo.